Tag Archives: books

Book #1. Purchase Fail.

For those of you DROOLING and KEENING and WAILING in anticipation for the start of my “1oo Most influential Books Evah” reading/blog project:

Houston, we can’t obtain the first book.  Nice start, idiot.

I ordered “MiddleMarch.”  I really did.  Last Monday from Amazon.com…I promise you, I am not bullshitting.  I waited and I waited and I waited…

-meanwhile-

Volly got her copy from the library sometime around Tuesday or Wednesday, which I should have done, but I owe them money.  (TOTAL EMBARRASSMENT.)

Volly informed me that the book has 801 pages.  SSSHHHWWWWHHHAAAAAAAAAA??????

Innocent enough from the front.

Side View…DOH.

Yesterday, while I was drunk at the Cubbie game, I received this email on my phone from Amazon:

Due to a lack of availability, we will not be able to obtain the following item(s) from your order:

  George Eliot “Middlemarch (Collins Classics)”

We’ve canceled the item(s) and apologize for the inconvenience. If you see a charge for the canceled item, we will refund you within 1-2 business days.”

Suckage.

Then I get a text from Volly and she says, “I finished the book!  Loved it!  (801 freaking pages and she started like 2 days ago.)  Can’t wait for you to read it!  No pressure!  LOL

NO pressure? Shit, man, I still need to GET the friggin’ book.   She’s a rockstar.  That is all.

Oh Man…now I am going to have to push through my hangover and head over to the library with my head down and my checkbook open.

Library Fine Shame.

Next time you hear from me, sometime in Spring or summer of 2013, I will have my first damn book report.  Peace out, bitches.

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New Blog Project. No Runway Needed.

I have blog ADD.

Frankly, I have everything ADD. But that’s besides the stupid point that I am trying to make.

I forget that I have these blogs and how much fun they are to write them.

My dear friend/next door neighbor…I will call Volley (rhymes with Holly) and I, whilst chatting each other up in the backyard over some vino, have make the decision to read all the books on a best seller list.

Stupid drunk bitches.

This is the list we have chosen

It’s a list that the Brits put together, so it’s bound to be tight-assed, but thorough and admittedly correct. God Save the Queen.

They list the books starting at 100 and go down, but we are rebel motherf&*%#rs, so we are going to start at the bottom with number one.

A delightful English novel, written by that Vickie-torian cross-dressing, composer humping, bad ass chick George Eliot. Our goal is to read every novel on the list. With some books on the list, including Ulysses and Dostoyevsky, our goal is to make it at least one-third through the book without wanting to burn it, use it as a weapon or pee on it.

We are very busy people. I myself have somewhere along the lines of 3 to 7 jobs. The first step is to actually get the book. I owe the library too much money because we lost about two movies and a copy of Clifford the Big Red Dog, so I guess I will have to buy it.

Why do I continually drink myself into these situations?

CHALLENGE: Me? I feel the need to blog every breath I take, so I will whore myself out while reading these books, bloggidy-blog style, and post my own Heatherland reviews.

Goal? Start reading by the weekend. (My sub-goal is to actually finish this goal, because if there is one thing I am famous for, it’s my no-follow-through.)

Too bad the kids lost the kindle. Bambi blames Cracker, Cracker blames the “ghost” that the neighbor kid keeps leaving over here after playdates and Alpha is innocent, as usual. The point is, the freaking thing is missing. And it even had the 50 Shades series on it. Now, THAT is some fine literature, no one ever said in the whole world.

Wish me happy reading!

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